Reflections: The Gift We Forget to Give: Time

Experts say it is not true that we have less leisure time than previous generations – in fact, they claim we have more. It is just that we do not seem to be able to switch off and appreciate the time in the way those generations did. Philosopher Jaime Cuenca says that the problem is that we do not understand what leisure means, so we “subordinate it to the world of work”, and time that is not spent working gets seen as a wasted time. Meanwhile, screen-based devices (phones, tablets, laptops and even TVs) eat into the amount of time we should spend on other things – or other people. Whether it is actually working during your non-work hours, doomscrolling or playing games, NYU psychologist Adam Alter says that where people used to spend the smallest amount of time on devices, they now spend the smallest amount of time off their devices.

We are also spending less on leisure time and activities than ever before, with the United Kingdom’s National Longevity Centre noting that “increasingly only those on the highest incomes are able to spend time on enjoyable pursuits”. Cost is certainly a factor, but so, in a large part, is the fact that more traditional hobbies and activities like woodworking, knitting or even reading are being replaced by quick checks of social media.

The good news, I suppose, is that we seem to be adapting the way we look at quality time, with one in three respondents to a recent survey revealing that they felt that sharing social media posts or texting each other counts as quality time, one in four saying that napping together qualifies as quality time, and one in three that being in the same room while you and/or your partner work from home is quality time. Maybe it is all about lowering our expectations.

This is all assuming, of course, that you get the “average” number of years together with your children or partner, which in itself is never guaranteed. As someone commented following the tragic crash that claimed the lives of two of boxer Anthony Joshua’s friends in Nigeria late last year: “It doesn’t matter how much money, power or influence you have, nor does it matter who you know, death comes for us all and there is no way of knowing when.”

So this Valentine’s month, maybe put down your phone or switch off the TV. Go out to eat (even if it is takeaway in the mall’s food court), go for a walk around the block or just sit and talk. But whatever you do, make a point of spending some real quality time with the ones that you love.

Until next time, enjoy your journey.